| Peter's profilepushing and pullingPhotosBlogLists |  Tools  Help |
|
November 22 Dear God, hope you got the message...Ben came downstairs Sunday night. Primarily because our friend (and his hero) Matt was visiting.
He was frightened. Not by anything in particular and as it happens by nothing at all.
Like a brave little man though he did try all the usual solutions but to no avail.
It's just not fair - he even tried telling God but that didn't work because it's daytime in America now and God is over there so couldn't hear Ben.
November 18 I Want You Back In My LifeFrom a letter to a good friend who has lost someone. It says more about my mind than anything else. Look quickly folks. It's a limiited time glimpse
 I understand what you're going through , or rather my own version of it. This is the part when all the fuss has died down and friends, family, neighbours don't want to keep talking about "it". But you know what ? You're still living with "IT".
A couple of years ago. About 12-18 months (maybe less) after mum died...
I recall sitting with my laptop playing with gadgets. I have a digital camcorder and I was playing with editing the video. I had a whole bunch of tapes and was capturing the video and mucking around with it. I found myself drawn to video with mum in it and after an hour or two of this I became really melancholic and generally depressed but couldn't draw myself away from the moving images and sounds. Mum's mum (my nana) had just died and she was in the videos too.
Val reminded me that I was only setting myself up for this. Part of the mind wanted to watch all this stuff that would ultimately make me sad and part of me was drawn to it like a moth to a flame. For minutes I revelled in the misery of it. I was satisfying something inside me that wanted to play with the fire and get a little burned. Then for hours I burned in the sadness of it all : when this wound is so raw you can't just get a little scalded by the candle flame. It draws you in and you are consumed by it. You can't help it. Jeez mate you know better than I do that "you can't help it". Whether it's an illness, a sexuality that isn't "normal" or consuming grief... you can't help it.
But try. Try to park it. There is no-one holding a gun to your head telling you to go through photos, letters, videos, flavours, tastes and reminders of a different way of life. Life has changed now and you need to get used to this different way of living before you're able to cope with looking at that other way of living you knew so well.
Like I said. It's not worse it's not better. It's just different. You need to give different some time. Fuck sake man - that other way of living had 50 something years for you to get used to it ? Like a well worn pair of jeans.
These new jeans are pinching in all the wrong places. You loosen the buttons and get a little more comfortable and there you are with your pants around your ankles in the middle of the shopping centre. Hmmm. Let's move away from that image eh ? ;-)
Like a diet. Why would you fill the fridge with milk chocolate cake when the doctor says that every time you eat a piece of chocolate cake you'll die a little inside. Your body needs some time to learn how to digest dark chocolate. It's still chocolate. But not like chocolate you've tasted before ....
Here endeth the lesson  November 15 Talking about HELLOI'm only blogging this for two reasons. The first is that Paul said I was magnificent. You hear that ? Good. Remember it. Especially my German friend. You know who you are !! Secondly. I'm hoping this will encourage Paul to add something to his freakin blog. C'mon Paul ! The world is waiting !! Quote HELLO November 12 Lazin' on a sunny afternoonThis afternoon I have mostly been sitting back listening to the Beatles in surround sound.
Y'see these clever people at http://www.toupltd.com made some homebrew remixes of Beatles (and other) albums in 5.1 DTS surround.
Now playing - Rubber Soul
next up - The Who - Who's Next
Come on Apple Corps. Get the finger out. Remaster the albums and remix for 5.1. November 09 When you walk through a storm hold your head up highI read this on my favourite LiverpoolFC forum today. What a manager... BENITEZ UNCOVERED: INSIDE THE DRESSING ROOM ON THAT AMAZING NIGHT IN ISTANBUL 'YOU ARE LIVERPOOL ..GET YOUR HEADS UP, GET OUT THERE AND DO IT FOR THE FANS' Martin Lipton RAFAEL BENITEZ has finally revealed the chaos and confusion from which he conjured Liverpool's greatest triumph out of impending disaster. Giving the first in-depth account of what really happened in the dressing room as his side faced up to the mountain they had to climb from a 3-0 half-time Champions League Final deficit against AC Milan, Benitez admitted he did not know if he could find the words to bring his team back from the dead. The Liverpool manager also confessed that at one stage he was sending out a 10-man team for the second half in Istanbul as his plans verged on bedlam. While his players were reeling, Benitez strode from the dug-out and down the tunnel at Attaturk Stadium to find a Liverpool dressing room in a state of shock and knowing he had a brief window of opportunity to get across the most important message of his career. "I walked into the dressing room rehearsing what I was going to say to them but also how I was going to say it," he said. "It's really difficult to come up with all the things you want to say in a foreign language. I was trying to find the right English words. "We talked about what we were going to change. It's tough enough motivating a team which is losing 3-0 in Spanish. In English, it is much, much tougher. "But the words came more easily than I could ever have hoped. The important aspect was to lift their spirits. "I started with a motivational speech to get them fired up. I demanded they start working again and emphasised there were 45 minutes left and we had to come off the pitch proud of ourselves because we'd done everything in our power. "So I reminded them it had been a hard battle to reach such a massive game and that we owed something important to all the Liverpool people. I said if we scored we would totally change the course of the game. I emphasised it was the most important challenge. "I said: 'Don't let your heads drop. We're Liverpool. You're playing for Liverpool. Don't forget that. You have to hold your heads high for the supporters. You have to do it for them. 'You can't call yourselves Liverpool players if you have your heads down. If we create a few chances we have the possibility of getting back into this. Believe you can do it and you will. Give yourself the chance to be heroes'." It was a chance that was gloriously, unforgettably taken and Benitez broke open the secrets of his finest moment in A Season On The Brink, a new authorised account of his first term at Anfield, by distinguished Spanish journalist Guillem Balague. But the Liverpool chief told how even after he had given the exhortation that changed everything, his plans were enmeshed in a few minutes of sheer chaos. Benitez wanted to introduce Didi Hamann and told Djimi Traore he was coming off - but then learned Steve Finnan's injury was too bad for him to continue. Benitez added: "I started to write the new formation on the board. I told Traore to get changed and that Hamann was coming on for him. The idea was for Hamann to make Kaka's life much tougher. "I took Didi up to the whiteboard so he understood what I wanted and explained the tactical changes to the rest of the side. Then I was told Finnan was injured. "Finnan was unhappy. He believed he could keep going. But I reckoned if he told me midway through the second half I'd have to make a change beyond my control. "It was a total mess for a while. I was reckoning on Djibril Cisse on the right but someone pointed out I'd have no more substitutions. "So I took Cisse out but also deleted Luis Garcia from the board because I wanted to move him. Now I only had 10 players in the team. The system was changed several times on the board and it created havoc. "The idea was to play 3-4-2-1 with John Arne Riise tucked in. But with the realisation Finnan wasn't fit to stay on, the logical thing was to tell Traore he wasn't being taken off. By this time he had his boots off and was on his way to the shower." Somehow, despite the flurry of thoughts and the situation, the seeds of glory were being sown. Benitez added: "In the first half we weren't threatening around their box. We wanted to change the pattern by using two players in the hole between midfield and Milan Baros. "The task was to produce terrific movement and also put massive pressure on Milan building out of defence through Pirlo. We felt we could slam the brakes on the damaging work which Gatuso, Seedorf and most of all Kaka were doing. "Using three centre-halves would make us more secure by staying tight on the runs of their strikers. You can try anything tactically if you've worked hard on such ideas in training. We had." In that instant, a voice cried out, reminding the players of the second half comeback against Greek side Olympiakos that had brought the Reds back from the brink in their final group game. Outside, the stunned Liverpool fans were singing the roof off the stadium, not even dreaming of what would follow in front of their disbelieving eyes. Benitez said: "Normally it's Xabi or Carra or Gerrard who shouts 'Come on boys' when it's needed. In the first few minutes there wasn't any of that. "But in the last couple of minutes before going back out, the animation and noise hit a normal level. "We needed to attack and they let us. We scored and started to look confident all over the pitch. When a team loses control of a match, it can take 15 minutes to get it back. While they are recharging their batteries, anything can happen. "I didn't hear the fans singing You'll Never Walk Alone from the dressing room. On the way out I did hear it but I was lost in my thoughts."
|
|
|
